The Mask Is Killing You

Here's a number that should stop you cold.

Men account for nearly 80% of all suicides in America, despite being only 50% of the population. In 2023 alone, 39,045 men took their own lives. That's 107 men every single day. That's one man every 13 minutes.

And yet only 17% of men saw a mental health professional last year.

Read that again. Men are dying at four times the rate of women, but barely one in six is willing to get help. Something is catastrophically wrong with this equation.

The answer isn't complicated. The mask you've been taught to wear is killing you.

The Lie You Believe

Somewhere along the way, you learned that strength means silence. That real men don't talk about their pain. That asking for help is weakness. That you should be able to handle whatever life throws at you on your own.

You learned that the only acceptable emotions are anger and maybe, occasionally, laughter. That sadness is for women. That fear is for children. That loneliness is something you just push through.

So you built a mask. A face you show the world that says, "I'm fine. I've got this. Don't worry about me."

And behind that mask, you're drowning.

You're not sleeping. Or you're sleeping too much. You're drinking more than you should. You're working yourself into the ground because at least when you're productive, you feel like you matter. You're irritable, snapping at your wife, short with your kids. You feel nothing when you should feel something, or you feel a darkness that terrifies you.

But you don't tell anyone. Because that would mean admitting you're not okay. And you've built your entire identity on being okay.

Depression Doesn't Look Like Sadness in Men

Here's what they don't tell you: depression in men usually doesn't look like sadness. It looks like:

Anger. You're irritable all the time. Small things set you off. You have a short fuse that didn't used to be there.

Numbness. You don't feel sad. You don't feel anything. Things that used to bring you joy now feel gray. Your wife, your kids, your hobbies, your faith. Everything feels muted, like you're watching your life from behind glass.

Escapism. You're drinking more. You're watching more porn. You're gaming for hours. You're working 70-hour weeks. Anything to avoid being alone with your own thoughts.

Physical symptoms. Your back hurts. You're exhausted but can't sleep. You have headaches. Your body is carrying what your mind won't acknowledge.

Recklessness. You're driving too fast. Making impulsive decisions. Taking risks you wouldn't have taken before. Part of you doesn't really care what happens.

Men are starting to search for answers. They're starting to suspect that what they're feeling has a name. But most still won't take the next step. They'll read an article, recognize themselves, and then close the browser and go back to white-knuckling it alone.

Why You Won't Get Help

Let's be honest about the barriers. They're real.

You think it makes you weak. You've been conditioned to believe that needing help means you've failed. That a real man should be able to figure this out on his own. That seeing a therapist is for people who can't handle life.

You don't have the words. Women are socialized to have an emotional vocabulary. Men are not. You might not even know how to describe what you're feeling beyond "I don't know" or "fine" or "stressed, I guess."

You're afraid of what you'll find. If you start pulling at this thread, you don't know what will unravel. It feels safer to keep the lid on. At least you know what this version of miserable feels like.

You don't want to burden anyone. You're supposed to be the provider, the protector, the rock. If you admit you're struggling, won't that shake everyone who depends on you?

Here's the truth: Every one of these beliefs is a lie.

Strength Is Not Silence

You know what actually takes strength? Telling the truth when the truth is hard. Looking at your own darkness instead of running from it. Admitting you're not okay when everything in your culture tells you to pretend you are.

The weakest thing you can do is hide. The weakest thing you can do is pretend. The weakest thing you can do is let pride kill you slowly while your family watches you disappear.

David, the greatest warrior-king Israel ever had, wrote the Psalms. Read them sometime. That man poured out his anguish, his fear, his desperation onto the page. He cried out to God from the pit. He didn't pretend everything was fine. He brought his brokenness into the light.

And we call him a man after God's own heart.

"I am worn out from my groaning. All night long I flood my bed with weeping and drench my couch with tears." — Psalm 6:6

That's not weakness. That's honesty. And honesty is the beginning of healing.

Your Wife Already Knows

You think you're hiding it. You're not.

She sees the distance in your eyes. She feels you pulling away. She notices the drinking, the irritability, the way you're present but not really there. She's walking on eggshells because she doesn't know what's wrong, but she knows something is.

Your silence isn't protecting her. It's terrifying her. She'd rather know you're struggling than watch you disappear. She married you for partnership, not performance. Let her in.

What Actually Helps

Tell one person. Not everyone. Just one. A friend, a pastor, your wife, a counselor. Say the words out loud: "I'm not okay." That's it. That's the first step. Everything else follows from that.

See a professional. Would you try to set your own broken leg? Then why are you trying to fix your own broken mind? There's no shame in getting help. There's only shame in dying when you didn't have to.

Stop self-medicating. The alcohol, the porn, the endless work, the gaming, the food. Whatever you're using to numb yourself, it's not helping. It's delaying the reckoning while making everything worse.

Move your body. This isn't woo-woo advice. Exercise is one of the most effective treatments for depression. Your body and mind are connected. Move.

Get around other men. Isolation is a petri dish for darkness. You need brothers who will ask you hard questions and not accept "I'm fine" as an answer.

The Stakes Are Too High

Your kids need a father. Your wife needs a husband. Your community needs your leadership. Your purpose on this earth is not yet complete.

The enemy would love nothing more than to take you out. To convince you that the world would be better without you. That you're a burden. That no one would really miss you. That's a lie from the pit of hell, and you need to name it as such.

The men around you need to see that getting help is something strong men do. Your sons are watching how you handle pain. Your daughters are learning what to expect from the men in their lives. What are you teaching them?

Lions don't bow. But lions also don't suffer in silence until they die alone in the dark. Lions have prides for a reason.

Take off the mask. It's not protecting you. It's killing you.

And you were meant for more than this.