Everything you need to know about passivity, coaching, and transformation
Male passivity is a pattern of behavior where a man avoids leadership, defers decisions, withdraws from conflict, and fails to take initiative in his marriage, family, and life.
It's not the same as being calm or easygoing. Passivity is the abdication of responsibility disguised as peacekeeping. A passive man lets life happen to him rather than building it.
Passive men often avoid hard conversations, defer to their wives on every decision, withdraw emotionally when things get tense, and struggle to set or enforce boundaries. The result is a man who is physically present but functionally absent.
Male passivity usually develops from root causes including:
Understanding the root cause helps, but it doesn't excuse the pattern. Every man is responsible for who he becomes, regardless of what made him that way.
No. Introversion is about energy (recharging alone vs. with others). Passivity is about avoidance (refusing to lead, decide, or engage).
An introverted man can be a strong leader. He leads quietly, thoughtfully, and deliberately. He doesn't need to be loud to be present.
A passive man, introverted or extroverted, doesn't lead at all. He avoids, defers, and withdraws. Introversion is a personality trait. Passivity is a pattern of avoidance.
A patient man waits strategically. He's engaged, aware, and choosing his moment. He's active in his waiting.
A passive man waits because he's avoiding. He's disengaged, checked out, hoping the situation resolves itself. He's absent in his waiting.
Patience is a strength. Passivity is an escape. The difference is engagement. Ask yourself: "Am I waiting with intention, or am I just hiding?"
Yes. Passivity is learned behavior, which means it can be unlearned. But change requires three things:
1. Awareness: He must recognize and admit his passivity without minimizing or justifying it.
2. Desire: He must want to change for himself, not just to stop complaints.
3. Action: He must take consistent steps toward leadership, even when it feels awkward or scary.
Change doesn't happen overnight. It's a process of daily decisions to show up differently. But men change every day. The question isn't whether it's possible. It's whether you're willing.
Signs of manipulation include:
Take our Manipulation Assessment to identify patterns in your relationships.
Male passivity devastates marriages in several ways:
She loses respect: Women can't maintain attraction to men they don't respect, and passivity erodes respect over time.
She becomes exhausted: When he won't lead, she has to. This creates resentment and burnout.
Intimacy dies: Sexual attraction requires polarity. Passivity neutralizes masculine energy and kills desire.
Connection fades: His emotional withdrawal creates loneliness even when he's physically present.
Children suffer: They grow up without a model of engaged fatherhood and healthy masculine presence.
This is one of the most common and painful situations wives face. A few principles:
You can't force him to lead. Leadership that's demanded isn't leadership. He has to choose it.
You can create space. Sometimes wives unintentionally fill every vacuum before he has a chance to step up. Try waiting longer before taking over.
You can communicate clearly. Tell him specifically what you need, without criticism or contempt. "I need you to plan our weekend" is better than "You never do anything."
You can't do his work for him. Ultimately, he must recognize the problem and want to change. Professional help from a coach like Dr. Hines can accelerate this process.
In most cases, no. But the longer passivity has been the pattern, the more work recovery requires.
If both partners are willing to address the dysfunction honestly, restoration is possible. The key question isn't whether it's too late. It's whether both people are willing to do the work.
Marriage Intensives can help couples make more progress in days than months of traditional counseling. But both spouses must be committed to the process.
Yes, but not by talking about it. Respect is rebuilt through consistent action over time.
You can't negotiate respect. You can't demand it. You can't guilt her into giving it back. You earn it by becoming respectable. By showing up differently. By doing what you say you're going to do. By leading when it's hard.
Words mean nothing at this point. She's heard promises before. Action is the only currency that spends.
For individual men's coaching: No. This work starts with you. You can't control whether she changes, but you can control whether you do.
For Marriage Intensives: Yes. Both spouses must participate. We can't fix a marriage with only one person in the room.
Many men start with individual coaching and later transition to couples work once they've done their own work first. You leading yourself well is often the catalyst for her willingness to engage.
Biblical masculine leadership is sacrificial responsibility, not authoritarian control. It's modeled after Christ, who led by serving, sacrificing, and laying down His life for those He led.
A biblical leader:
Leadership is not about power. It's about responsibility.
No. Control is about power over others. Leadership is about responsibility for others.
A controlling man:
A leading man:
The opposite of passivity isn't control. It's engaged, sacrificial presence.
Start small. Start today. Start imperfectly.
Pick one thing and do it:
Don't wait until you feel ready. You won't. Don't wait until it feels natural. It won't. Just start.
Leadership is a muscle. The only way to build it is to use it.
Boundaries aren't about being harsh. They're about being clear. Clarity is kindness.
A healthy boundary sounds like: "I'm not willing to continue this conversation while we're yelling. I'll be in the other room. Let me know when you're ready to talk calmly."
It's not a threat. It's not punishment. It's a statement of what you will and won't accept, delivered with calm clarity.
The key is consistency. A boundary you don't enforce isn't a boundary. It's a suggestion. And suggestions get ignored.
A Discovery Call is a 30-45 minute video call where Dr. Hines:
You'll leave with clarity on what's actually going on and what it would take to change, whether you work with Dr. Hines or not.
Discovery Calls are complimentary. There's no obligation and no pressure.
There's no standard timeline. It depends on:
Some men see significant shifts in weeks. Others need months of consistent work. This isn't a quick fix. It's transformation.
The men who get results fastest are the ones who do the work between sessions, not just during them.
Sessions are direct, focused, and action-oriented. Expect:
This isn't therapy where you talk about your feelings for an hour. It's coaching. We identify the problem, build a plan, and get to work.
Results depend entirely on your engagement. Men who do the work typically experience:
We don't guarantee specific outcomes. Your results depend on your effort. But if you do the work, you will change.
Coaching doesn't "work" on you. You do the work. Coaching provides the framework, strategies, and accountability. You provide the effort.
If you show up, do the assignments, implement the strategies, and stay consistent, you will see change. If you attend sessions but don't do anything differently, nothing will change.
Dr. Hines has over 35,000 hours of experience. The system works. The question is whether you'll work the system.
No. Dr. Hines provides faith-based coaching, not licensed therapy or counseling.
Coaching is action-oriented, focused on building skills and changing patterns. Therapy typically focuses on diagnosis and treatment of mental health conditions.
If you have clinical mental health needs (severe depression, suicidal ideation, psychosis, active addiction), you should work with a licensed mental health professional. Coaching is not a substitute for clinical treatment.
Current pricing:
Specific pricing for individual coaching is discussed during your Discovery Call because every situation is different.
You're not paying for an hour of conversation. You're paying for:
The real question is: What is it costing you NOT to change? Lost respect, disconnected marriage, damaged relationships with your kids, career stagnation. Those costs compound daily.
No. Our services are private-pay only. We do not bill insurance companies, and we do not provide superbills for reimbursement.
This is faith-based coaching, not licensed therapy. Insurance typically does not cover coaching services.
Payment plans may be available for certain services. Discuss this during your Discovery Call if needed.
For Marriage Intensives, a deposit is required to reserve your dates, with remaining balance due before the intensive begins.
All coaching services rendered are non-refundable. This includes:
For intensives, cancellation policies apply based on how far in advance you cancel. See our Terms of Service for details.
We offer several proprietary assessments:
Assessments give you a starting point and help Dr. Hines customize his approach to your specific needs.
Yes. Your assessment results are confidential. They are used to personalize coaching recommendations and are not shared with third parties.
Results are delivered via email. By completing an assessment, you consent to receive follow-up communications, but you can unsubscribe at any time.
After completing an assessment:
Taking a free assessment does not create a coaching relationship or obligation. It's simply a tool to help you understand where you are.
Men's Groups meet weekly for coaching, teaching, and accountability. Each session includes:
This is not a support group where men sit around and vent. It's iron sharpening iron. Men challenge each other to grow.
You share what you're comfortable sharing. No one is forced to disclose anything.
That said, you get out what you put in. Men who engage openly and honestly get the most benefit. Men who hide and hold back stay stuck.
Everything shared in the group stays in the group. Confidentiality is required of all members. Violation of confidentiality results in immediate removal.
Individual coaching is personalized attention focused entirely on your situation. It's private, intensive, and customized.
Group coaching provides community, accountability, and the benefit of learning from other men's experiences. You gain brotherhood and realize you're not alone in your struggles.
Many men do both: individual coaching for deep personal work, plus the group for ongoing accountability and community.
You're expected to attend all group sessions. Life happens, but consistent attendance is important for both your growth and the group's cohesion.
Missed sessions are not refundable or transferable. Excessive absences may result in removal from the group.
A Marriage Intensive is a multi-day immersive program where you and your wife work directly with Dr. Hines on your relationship.
Unlike weekly sessions that address issues in small pieces over months, an intensive compresses the work into concentrated days. This allows for deeper breakthrough on root issues that can't be solved in 50-minute sessions.
Intensives typically run 2-3 days and include extended sessions, assessments, and homework.
Yes. Marriage Intensives require both spouses to participate. We cannot repair a marriage with only one person in the room.
If your wife is unwilling to participate, individual coaching may be a better starting point. Often, when a man begins to change, his wife becomes more open to engaging.
Each intensive is customized, but typically includes:
It's intensive work. Expect to be emotionally exhausted. But couples often make more progress in one intensive than in months of weekly sessions.
Marriage Intensives require:
Compare it to the cost of divorce: Legal fees, split assets, damaged children, years of recovery. An intensive is an investment in your marriage that can prevent catastrophic loss.
Marriage Intensives are appropriate for couples who:
They may NOT be appropriate if there is active domestic violence, active addiction requiring medical intervention, or untreated severe mental illness. These situations require different intervention first.
Dr. Johnathan Hines, DCC, is a Christian coach who has dedicated his career to one mission: helping men stop being passive and start leading.
He holds a Doctorate in Christian Counseling from Andersonville Theological Seminary, is Gottman Method Level 1 trained, and holds ISSA certifications in personal training, nutrition, and weight management.
With over 35,000 clinical hours since 2007, he's seen the devastation that male passivity causes and has developed proven frameworks to help men reclaim their leadership.
His approach is direct, faith-based, and uncompromising. He doesn't coddle. He challenges men to confront patterns honestly and take action.
Dr. Hines offers:
All coaching services are for men only through Dr. Hines Inc. Marriage Intensives include both spouses.
Dr. Hines' approach is rooted in biblical principles and faith-based transformation. While men of all backgrounds have benefited from his work, those who are open to a Christian framework will get the most from the experience.
If you're seeking purely secular coaching, this may not be the best fit. If you're open to faith-informed guidance, you're welcome regardless of where you are in your spiritual journey.
Dr. Hines is based in Broken Arrow, Oklahoma (Tulsa area).
Services are available both in-person and via video conferencing. Many clients work with Dr. Hines entirely online.
The first step is a Discovery Call. During this complimentary call, Dr. Hines will learn about your situation, identify your core challenges, and determine if coaching is the right fit.
Schedule your Discovery Call here.
You can also take one of our free assessments to get clarity on where you stand before your call.
If you didn't find the answer you were looking for, schedule a Discovery Call and ask Dr. Hines directly.
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